Friday, October 23, 2009

Okay, I'm really laughing now!

I was just fooling around in my 'sitemeter' this morning, seeing how people are finding my blogs. Now, the SassmowthDesign blog is being found mainly by where it's posted - Facebook, Etsy, Twitter, and a hoard of other advertising sites that I've recently signed up on. But I have just as many people (sometimes MORE) visiting this blog. (obviously not as many "followers", but more views and visits - which by the way, i really have to ask a question here at the risk of going off on yet another tangent... what the crap is the difference between a page "view" and a page "visit"???) Anyhoo, like I was saying, was fooling around with site meter this morning. Normally I look at the "By Location" because it totally interests me that I have visitors from Greece, Brazil, Australia, Iraq.. It boggles my mind sometimes, and it's just too cool. People on the other side of the world are readin' about little ol' me! Anyhoo, recently I've been a little more concerned with the *how* they're finding me instead of *where* they're coming from.

Once I noticed that someone found my blog by searching this in google "How to get a dog poo stain out of a silk shirt" Oh I laughed for a few days. But this morning, I clicked on the site meter link that says "By entry page" which would basically tell me which post or how they found my blog. Y'know which blog post I'm getting the most hits on? Like an astounding amount? Like 80% of my views?

Goiter?! Who said anything about a goiter?!

Yup. Isn't this lovely? Seriously, I'm most known for the fact that I have a freakin' GOITER! I thought being found by typing in "dog poo" was amusing! But seriously now. 80%!? 80% of people are finding my blog because they're typing "goiter" into google, and apparently, I'm near the top of the list. Lover-ly.

Just thought I'd pop in to let everyone know that! Back to finding out what #FF means in twitter, because I'm a little dim and have no clue what all these short forms are.

Later kids!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Is there something wrong with me?!

Do I have some sort of sign on my forehead that says "Answers calls to crazy people only" or something?

Oy. Okay so here's the deal. My dad has a motor home. And since my ma'am was transferred overseas for her job for 3 years (2 years left!) he's decided to sell it. So I placed an ad on Kijiji for him, including our phone number and name for a local contact. Which of course I don't mind, because it's not like anyone is going to call a 12 digit number to talk about a motor home, and most people may not realize the time change and were more likely to call them when they're sleeping.

We've gotten quite a few calls, but the only ones that have showed a lot of interest were just plain crazy! First couple... We'll just use his first name lol. Mike. Mike calls on a Monday morning around 8am. My husband was on holidays this week so I wasn't up at the usual 5:15am. While I was awake at 8am, I was not interested in talking to someone I didn't know, so I didn't answer. Mike called again at 930am. Alright, fine. I'll answer the phone. He starts asking questions about the motor home and asks if he can see it. I told him that it's not a problem, but if he wants to wait a week, he can get the grand tour from my dad himself as they were coming for a visit, and obviously my dad knows a heck of a lot more about it than I do. I mean, I can tell ya what features it has, and how to put the blinds up and work the shower (HA! That's another story...) but for working the generator, battery, water reservoir, jacks, and how it drives? Ya.. clueless. Well, Mike didn't want to wait a week. So I told him that I'm pretty much free all week, just name a day and time and we'll work something out.

We were out most of Monday and kept missing his continuous calls. When I called back, he had a few more questions ("how long is it? is it nice to drive? how many km's?") and he still hadn't decided on when to meet. Hadda talk to his wife. Okay fine. So, next morning he calls, and asks to see it on Wednesday. I said, no problem! But, got another call later that day from my Father in Law. He has a mechanic near his work that had offered to look at my car, and fix the brakes, only charging me for parts, not labour. And being as poor as a church mouse, took him up on this offer because my brakes were a-squeakin' bad! So we drove up to Etobicoke to exchange cars with my Father in Law, and came back home. Called Mike. Told him I'm terribly sorry, but Wednesday is out, since I wasn't 100% sure when I'd actually get my car back - whether we were driving up to exchange cars again in the early afternoon, or whether it was being driven back to our place by my F in L later on in the day. So he understood. Or so it seemed.

He called back. What about Wednesday afternoon? Noooo because I may be exchanging cars at that time. So what about Wednesday evening? Can't do it, not 100% sure if I'll have my car by then. Called back again to double check. Still the same answers, thanks!

Wednesday. Calls again. "How about Thursday evening?" "perfect, I'll have my car by then, no problems." Calls back again. "How about Thursday morning instead?" "that's fine, I'm getting my car tonite, Thursday morning is perfect". Calls back again. "Can we make it Thursday night again? Around 7pm?" "Okay fine, perfect, Thursday evening 7pm". Calls back AGAIN. "Okay I've talked to my wife, we're going to make it for Thursday around 11:30am" "Alright then, better idea, more time and more light to see the motor home! See you tomorrow morning!" Just after 9pm. Calls AGAIN. But! It's his wife. "I'm really sorry but we have to take my grandson to the doctors tomorrow, we think we'll just wait until your parents get back and have the tour with your dad like you originally suggested." "Perfect! Great idea! Better that way! Talk to you next week!" So at this point, we thought we were done.

Next day. Thursday. 12pm. Rob and I were getting ready to head out - run some errands and go for lunch. Phone rings. It's Mike. Actually no, it's Mike's wife. "Hi we're here." "Whaddya mean you're here. You're where?" "At the motor home, can you come down and show it to us now?" "You cancelled for today. We have plans!" "Are they important?" Are they *important*?! Excuse me?! I took a deep breath. Okay so, no. My plans aren't *important*, but the fact of the matter is, you cancelled, and now you're there. Rob was livid, but I assured him that we could go down there, show them the motor home, and then we won't have to worry about this anymore! So we went down. Rob opened the doors, and went to stand in the weeds. (He didn't want to be in close proximity to ensure he wouldn't get the urge to speak his mind!)

So of course, Mike starts asking questions I have no clue what the answers were, and reminded him he should have seen it with my Daddoo. They saw the motor home, said they liked it, had to check if it could fit in their driveway, and they'd call us back to talk to my dad when he was home. Good plan! Never heard back. Was very relieved.

But now, I'd take them any day.

(This is my daddoo... NOT a crazy person!)

Crazy lady. That's all I'll call her. Calls on Saturday night. And I *mean* night. 10:45pm. I wasn't feeling well, so I had already gone to bed. Rob was still up, in the living room watching his G.I.Joe cartoons. I woke up a bit to the phone ringing and could hear Rob's conversation. He did *very* well. Rob's not one to tolerate people calling after 930. But nope, he was courteous and politely said she needed to call back when he wife was *awake*. So 9:30am, crazy ladies number comes up. And I answer the phone. She sounded a bit off, like I actually pictured a woman who was a tad dirty, wearing sweatpants and a stained white sweater with "i love husky's" written on the front, with greasy bed head hair, brownish teeth and a blotchy face. So she asks a few questions. "Does it have a slide?!" "yes it does!" (as you can clearly see in the ad) "Does it have a kitchen?" "Yes" (as you can clearly see in the ad) "Does it have a basement?" "what?!" (okay, so my bad on that one, as my dad has informed me, the storage compartments underneath are called "basement compartments")

Then she says "Okay I'm buying it". Just like that. I'm like "you haven't seen it yet!" "Oh, that's okay, it's exactly what we were looking for! So, I'm buying it! We'll be down there on Tuesday to pick it up!" Okay then. You're buying it. Then she starts asking more technical questions, so I said "you best email my dad with those questions. Here's his email address" So I spelled it out about 6 times (she didn't seem to understand the whole 'spacesaverbob' part.) But she calls back 5 minutes later. "I don't know how to email." Huh? Okay crazy lady! So I suggested that I'd call my dad, and see if he can call her so they can talk. She liked that idea. And so did I!

So I called my Daddoo. (It's very helpful now that I can actually do this! Stupid Cogeco not having overseas calling for the first year they were over there!) I gave him the lowdown on the crazy lady, and her phone number. Rob and I left right after I talked with him, we were heading out to brunch... Got home and noticed she had called right after she talked with my Daddoo, but I really wasn't in the mood. So, I called her on Monday because I didn't want another "Hi we're here!" incident. Ya so, it took about 5 minutes for her to clue in who I was and why I was calling. (the motor home? what motor home? does it have a slide? I talked to your dad? oh right, I talked to your Dad!) Anyway, I asked her if she was still coming down on Tuesday. So she's all excited and telling me what price my Dad gave it to her for, and I'm all "yes I know" and she's all "What? How?" Um gee I dunno, how in the world would I know what my Dad talked to you about? Now there's a head scratcher.

So then she's going on about how she has 3 dogs and 2 cats and is happy it has a slide (I have to admit I cringed - Now not only did I picture a *dirtier* crazy lady, but now a dirty crazy lady with 5 dirty animals in our motor home! Oh poor motor home!) Then she's all "oh it has some carpeting? Oh that's not good. Our animals *really* love carpeting if you know what I mean! Piss all over it all the time! HAHAHA!" Oooooh even poorer motor home!

Anyhoo, she informs me that she's in the process of talking to the bank about getting a certified cheque and all that, and will call us on Tuesday to let us know what's going on. So fine, leave it at that. Didn't call on Tuesday and honestly, didn't care.

Wednesday. 4pm. She calls. "I have a favour to ask of you! Can you be our banker?! Like, we pay you in installments, and have our lawyer write up a contract?" ya, like that's gonna happen. I figured the easiest way for this to end, was to have my dad talk directly with her about *why* that's not gonna happen. So I told her that I'd call my dad in the morning, and have him call her. She asked why I couldn't call right now. Well, because with the 6 hour time difference (as I've already told her a few times - but then again I don't talk to her for 2 hours and she has no clue who I am) it's 10pm and they're in bed. She said okay, talk to you in the morning. 7pm. She calls again. "Have you talked to your dad yet?" "uh, NO, I told you I couldn't call him until tomorrow because there's a 6 hour time difference, and currently it's 1am there" "oh, REALLY?!" Yes. Really. Told her I'd talk to her in the morning.

10pm. Phone rings. I didn't get to the phone in time, so I promptly called back from the kitchen as opposed to the BEDROOM. Where my husband was SLEEPING. I call. She answers. I'm like "this is Kathryn McLean." "WHO?" "Kathryn McLean. You JUST called me. I'm guessing it's about the motor home" "Oh right! Kathryn! Okay so I was wondering." "NO NO NO, *I* was wondering why the hell you're calling my house at 10 o'clock at night. My husband gets up at *4am* for work, and you're calling at 10 at night?!" "Oh gosh! I'm so sorry! The nights are getting shorter! I just lost track of time on the internet!" Right. So does your computer not have a little clock in the bottom corner that you can glance at before picking up the damn phone?!

I was more than a little pissed. It was then that I decided to F*ck it. I'm not bothering to talk to my dad about the whole 'banking' thing, cause it's gonna be no anyway, and there's no point of him spending money to call long distance to talk to a crazy lady. So I called her back. She didn't answer. She called me back. I told her right out that the only way my dad was accepting payment was with a certified cheque for the full amount. She said "oh okay. And you're in Kitchener right?" I'm like nooo, Burlington. "Oh that's closer to Toronto. Perfect. Okay then, thank you!" and hangs up the phone.

Okay then, thank you? What does that mean? Is she going to show up anyways? Oy. So while I don't know 100% whether I'm completely done with the Crazy Lady, I'm not calling *her* to find out.

Oh sane people, do none of you want a motor home?!