The terrible thing about Splenda, cause Splenda's a terrible thing

Okay yes, the tigger song doesn't *actually* go like that, but i can't help but sing this song in my head every time i put it in my coffee.

If i had the choice, i would never use the stuff (but then again, i ALWAYS have a choice) But when it comes to me having one coffee or two (and i always lean towards the 2) it's splenda that gets poured in.

I know it's better for me than sugar (according to Western medicine, although my moms doctors in the Netherlands differ profusely) but i just can't stand the stuff sometimes. Baking with it - can't tell much difference. But in coffee? Bluh with a capital puke. Not only does it make my beloved coffee taste like cat shit (first - don't ask why i know what cat shit tastes like, and secondly - i cannot understand whatsoever why some of the most expensive coffee in the world is actually derived from coffee beans that were eaten by cats and shat out again, then brewed into some pooey goodness) i end up with a frothy moustache whenever i take a sip.

Recently i was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, and even though the doctors have said that a) I'm not old enough to get it, and b) I'm not large enough to get it, in the next breath they state that i have alot of risk factors. Besides being diagnosed with PCOS when i was 15 which causes insulin resistance, i also have 2 people in my family with diabetes. Neither of them have to inject themselves 4 times a day mind you, but that still upped my chances for it.

They discovered my high sugar levels this past November, which they labelled as "Early on-set gestational diabetes" (so yes, i was pregnant again) and for some reason when you have a still born baby, you have a higher risk for gestational diabetes with your other pregnancies. So immediately (during a 3 day frustrating stay in the hospital) i was put on Novorapid that i injected 3 times a day, once before each meal, and Lantus - a 24 hour injected insulin - that i took before i went to bed. All the RN's and the doctors (i had 6 doctors at this point - all specialists) told me i was SOOOOOOO lucky, because i skipped right past the oh-so-frustrating pill taking part to try to level out my sugar, and went right to the yippy-hooray-best thing in the world- insulin injections which are SOOOO easy. And the reason i was put on the injections is because you can't be on the pills when you're pregnant. In December, i ended up having a miscarriage, yet the high sugar levels never subsided. (well i shouldn't say that - they went down for 3 days, then right back up again)


So i officially had Type 2 after all - they figure that i had pre-diabetes, but when i got pregnant, it made my pancreas do a loopty-loo and apparently it all of a sudden has no clue how to metabolize carbohydrates.

So why am i still on injections!? Why can't i go back to the so called oh-so frustrating pill taking extravaganza, which i would prefer 100% (I'd like to express how very much I'd prefer it by saying something extraordinary like 210%, but it annoys me when people do that) to sticking myself with a needle 4 times daily.

Reasons i hate sticking myself with a needle:
Now, I'm not a squeamish person, so the actual act of sticking myself doesn't bother me in that matter, but c'mon i feel like a druggie! (not that I'd *really* know what that's like, but hey) The problem i have is this: i am now in danger of hypoglycemia. Okay, so i realize that being hyperglycemic is bad over time because it damages lots of organs, eyes, amputate your legs kinda stuff, but that's long term. But on a short term, if i go a bit high, i get tired and thirsty. Is that a big deal? Not really. But being on insulin injections has caused me to dip way too low on too many occasions - to a point where my numbers are as low as 2.3. And what's the oh-so-lovely concern with dipping too low? Hmm, that would be a COMA. Let's see now, Coma, tired and thirsty, comaaa, tired and thiiirstyyy.. i'll take the tired and thirsty please!! And what did i get from my doctor when i expressed these concerns? "oh that can happen, maybe you should up your Lantus" Right. Up the insulin that for *some* reason makes my heart race and pound out of my chest whenever i take it.

Don't tell my doctor but - I've stopped taking it. There were too many different views on what Lantus actually does. According to the doctors at the hospital, it not only keeps my numbers lower during the day, it helps keep my numbers up past the danger level (above 4). So doesn't that mean it ups my numbers too?! That's what i certainly get from it. And when my numbers are still high in the morning (in the 7's usually) my doctor says I'm not taking enough Lantus. Yet every book or doctors journal or research paper i read - high numbers in the morning when you're taking a 24-hour release insulin - means it's too high. Because at night your body naturally tries to regulate itself, and if you've taken too high a dosage of insulin that night, your sugar level drops. Your body tries to compensate by metabolizing more carbs into sugar, and it ups your numbers. So really - what the CRAP does it do!?

So yes, i stopped, and surprise surprise, my numbers in the morning are alot lower than they were, and in general my numbers have been much better. I suppose this is one of those things that make you go hmmm...


On another note, during my research I've found many many many doctors sites and journals suggesting supplements actually help diabetic patients. I've always been a believer in vitamins and minerals and all those good things, so i really wanted to give it a try. These sites listed the main supplements they had their patients take (which over a 6 month period caused the patients to no longer require insulin injections) so i thought I'd call my doctor and ask if i could take these too. I LOVE my doctor, i do, but this time, he *really* pissed me off! On one hand i like to think he said the things he did to make me angry enough to want to prove him wrong. So i asked whether i could take these supplements while on insulin. And he said "Sure! Go right ahead, it's perfectly safe. It wont work, never has never will and you're pretty much wasting your time, but if you feel the need to try this so you can tell yourself you did *everything* you could, then go right ahead". Nice. Thanks for that.

And how have the results been since i started supplements? Well lets see. In order for me to have my target blood sugar levels, before i started supplements, i was on 15 to 16 units of Novorapid before each meal, and 24 units of lantus at night.
Since I've started supplements - i reach my target blood sugar levels (or lower) with 9 to 11 units of Novorapid before each meal, and NO lantus at night.

But ya, he's completely right. It'll never work.

Times a-flyin' by!

............................ Look PA! I'm gettin' better with the camera!!



Okay, so i've been working on a new blog for apparently 3 weeks now! I keep adding to it and changing it and low and behold, it's 3 weeks later! Yikes.

So i figured i'd just do some quick updates until i get around to the other post, which is a long-y but a good-y, and alot about the past-y so it's taking alot of thinking, and as we all know, thinking can hurt sometimes.

I've been meaning to post some pics so my parents can know what exactly goes on in the house when other dogs stop over for a visit. So first, we have Rob's parents new puppy (the boston terrier) named Spanky. (The Scotty - Mackenzie - isn't into playing. Too much of a stubborn bitch for that! So she just observes and rolls her eyes accordingly)


And even though Spanky is only 8 weeks old, she certainly holds her own. But how excited was Kermit that he had a *smaller* dog to play with where he could be mostly dominant!



Don't worry mom, it looks like they're trying to kill eachother, but they're not. No injuries to date! And now here's where Kermit really has fun. With his "cousin" Elby (actually L.B. which stands for Little Bugger!) And they play like this for.. well, until we stop them. So far we've let them go for a little over an hour. And it's literally non-stop, except when they both run to the kitchen for a drink. (Which most of the water drips back *out* of their mouths and ends up on my floors which i'm forever cleaning. Oy)


Now, the next one will show that yes, Kermit sometimes has the upper hand - but it never lasts long. At first mom was a little worried that these 2 were going to "do it" and make weird ass looking puppies. Yes, they're both not fixed yet, since they're both underage (a month apart - and while we're at it, 40 pounds apart), but we'd have to hold Kermit up in order for him to reach. Plus he is apparently very confused, because while he actually does hump her, he's doing her *face*. So really.. nothing to worry about.

Alright so there's the dog update. But wait, one more goofy one for the hell of it. (Kermit loves the camera.. atleast i think he does. One day he just might bite my face for taking so many pics of him)


Alright so, on to other things. Went to the bank today and made more investments!! Had a good talk with our *financial advisor* (Woo! I'm an adult!) and got another GIC in the global market for a 3 year plan. Good stuff. Also inquired about Small Business banking for when i'm ready to make the leap into my one of many business ideas. Sucks that i need alot of money first to make the product (Of which i DO NOT have) in order to make money selling it.

Alright off i go, need to work on the Avon!

The strange workings of the universe

I've always been a strong believer in "Everything happens for a reason". Even the most horrible things that happen to you, there was a Divine purpose that you may not ever discover the Why. In my younger years, i used to often wonder if having such a strong belief of this was a defence mechanism - making myself think that even my stupidest of decisions was actually meant to be. In high school i took a psychology class and we were made to look upon our past to discover the real reasons we act the way we do now. And while i always hated being overweight, and being made fun of for it, i realized something huge. (no pun intended!). If i *wasn't* an overweight kid, would i be who i am today?

I'd look around the room at all the "skinny" girls and think "Would i have been one of them?" Would i have been one of those girls that only cared what people were on the outside? The ones that tear people down with their cruel words? The ones who constantly do things to impress others, scared to show how vulnerable they really are? I was constantly surrounded by these types of girls. Granted not all of them are like this. Not every skinny girl is a mean girl. But the mere thought of turning out like one of them, makes me thankful for the fat.

What I learned by being overweight:
I learned who my real friends were. The ones who never once went with the crowd to make fun of me, the ones who risked being made fun of too by not 'mooing' in chorus.
I learned compassion. By being on the receiving end of so many hurtful words, i could never do that to another person. I could never make anyone else feel what i have felt. I have complete understanding of how it feels to be trapped inside your own head.
I learned courage. Having been smacked down so many times, just to get back up over and over to face them all again.

Would i have learned these things being skinny? Possibly. But not to the same degree. I see too many of these same mean girls today, who are the exact same mean girls they were 15 years ago. They may now have rich husbands, or lavish lives, but does that really compensate for the pain they've caused others in their lifetime? I certainly don't think so.

But yes, it is very possible that my belief in this is to fool me into submission. Yet i don't believe i could have gotten through all these downs in my life without it.

What i learned from delivering my 9 month old still born baby boy, Robbie J:

I learned incredible strength. All those years that i thought i was a mentally weak person, was shattered.
I learned how to deliver a baby. He gave me the experience so that when i deliver all the other babies, i won't be scared because I've done it all before.
I learned love has much deeper levels.
I learned to truly 'not sweat the small stuff', for an abundance of things in your life which you once believed to be astoundingly huge and important, are actually minuscule and insignificant.
I learned how to live, love and cherish life.
I learned how beautiful the world really is.